


A Dick and an Asshole

by TakahashiNana



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 14:36:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5337749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TakahashiNana/pseuds/TakahashiNana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haizaki calls Akashi an asshole in the middle of the stairs after his first loss, and awkwardness ensues.</p><p>Warning: swearing, lame-ass pick up lines, BlushingUke!Haizaki, Written during my sugar high.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Dick and an Asshole

"Akashi, you're an asshole." A somewhat familiar voice popped out behind him. Akashi stopped in his way down the stairs to turn his head towards the voice, and almost groaned when he saw that it's none other than Haizaki Shougo standing behind him with a smug look on his face. Honestly, hearing someone address him in such such a crude manner _right after his first loss_ did not just irritate him, it made him want to hurl the guy into flaming hell, and this guy being  _Haizaki_ of all people just made things ten times worse.

"What are you doing here, Haizaki?" Akashi hissed, red eyes staring straight into the taller male's grey ones

"Ehh~nothing much." The other male smirked as he almost nonchalantly danced his way down to Akashi's side, "Just wanted to tell you that you're an absolute _asshole_."

"Well you have achieved your goal." The redhead curtly replied, and he turned his head back to make a move down the stairs again.

"I can't believe that you showed off your new invisible bitch in front of your old invisible bitch," The elder snickered behind him, then began to laugh violently as he sing-songed:  "did you see that look on his face?"

"Haizaki, please leave me alone."

"Ahh, don't want to be called an _Asshole_?" Akashi felt a large hand grabbing his jaw and violently turning his head around, "You just lost, so don't pretend to be all high and mighty. You ain't no better than me now." The large male sneered as he moved closer, body effectively blocking off any chance of escape the Redhead had. The redhead glared, and the male seemed to get fazed for a second before he moved his face uncomfortably close to Akashi's. 

"To what do I own this honor of being called an asshole by none other than the king of all assholes, Haizaki?" Akashi managed to grit out while his throat tightened in desperation. They were all alone--all other teams had left earlier. There was no exit in sight. If Haizaki wanted to do something to him, the smaller male would have a very slim chance of escape.

"Heh? Now insulting me, are you?" Haizaki laughed, and he let go of Akashi's jaw. The redhead immediately dashed back, preparing to punch the male in front of him at any dangerous move the elder makes. However, Haizaki seemed to have no intention of attacking. He hopped down some stairs and hopped back up as if he did not just trap Akashi against the wall.

Then he chuckled: "I consider myself more of a "dick" though." He turned back to Akashi, who furrowed his brows at the cheery gleam in his eyes that's _so_ not like Haizaki's usual self. (In fact, it reminded him of a certain blonde ex-teammate of his.) Then, slowly walking toward Akashi from his previous location, Haizaki pressed his forehead against the younger's in a horrible imitation of a seductive casanova and said: "My "Dick" and your "Asshole" can get along, can't they?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Shit, this is not how it's supposed to go." He hears the taller hiss under his breath and quirks an eyebrow.

"...Haizaki, are you flirting with me?"

"WHAT?! NO! Of course not!" The taller male jumped back, effectively falling down a few flights of stairs. Akashi, now with an amused glint in his eyes, walked over to the taller male instead. As the taller male rubbed his head, he saw Akashi's eyes glinting at him and blushed. "Well, I mean you are a really hot, eloquent asshole...NOT THAT THAT MAKES YOU ANY LESS OF AN ASSHOLE." Haizaki turned his face away and mumbled.

He then said something else that Akashi didn't quite catch.

"What did you say, Shougo?" Akashi smirked, this time grabbing Haizaki's jaw in his hand, "Repeat it to me."

"I-I said!" Haizaki shook his head in embarassment, "I said...I said that I want to go out with you, just a dick and an asshole, together!"

Still smirking, Akashi stared down at his ex-teammate for a moment. No one in their right minds would date this guy. Back in middle school, he had broken the hearts of so many girls that no one can count. So why would he use this lame excuse for a confession to try and seduce him? But that blush--Akashi, for some reason, thinks that it's real.

"I thought you would have more tact in your confessions, no matter how fake they are, Haizaki." He blankly commented, before making his way down the stairs again. He heard a rapid ruffling of clothes behind him and the next thing he knows is Haizaki rushing forward to hug him.

"I...I never confessed to a guy before! So I asked Hanamiya for his advice and...and this is his idea!" Haizaki almost mumbled into Akashi's ears, "I...I've liked you since middle school but Nijimura would definitely make fun of me for it and...and you were the king that never lost while I'm a sore-ass loser that loses in everything, s-so I had to wait until you had your first loss to confess to you!"

Akashi raised an eyebrow. So Haizaki had a crush on him. He shrugged; he's not going out with anyone, and Haizaki isn't half bad-looking, especially with him blushing like a little girl . "All right, I'll go out with you." He found himself saying, "But if you treat me like any of your ex-girlfriends I will cut off your penis, deep-fry it, and make you eat it with peanut butter, understood?"

"Uh...uh, alright..." Haizaki looked genuinely perturbed. Good.

"Come here." Akashi curled his finger, and Haizaki obediently ran up to him. The redhead then wrapped his left hand around the elder's right, and just like that they walked down the stairs, hand in hand. At the bottom of the stairs, Akashi turned around to see Haizaki burying his head in his left hand, his ears tinted a lovely red. The redhead smiled, and continued to silently walk hand in hand until they reached the train station.

On the train, Akashi turned towards his new boyfriend. Said boyfriend raised his eyes out of his hand, and Akashi smirked to see them looking nervously at him. "By the way, Shougo." He said matter-of-factly.

"H-huh?"

"I'll be the "dick" in this relationship, okay?"

\--

"Wait, that lame-ass pickup line actually worked?!" Hanamiya Makoto's glorious eyebrows went up in shock as he did a proper spit take onto a table, "You actually got Akashi Seijuurou to go out with you using that lame-ass pick up line?!"

"Shut up!" Haizaki hissed, face red.

**Author's Note:**

> I...I just wrote this to get off my sugar high. I'll go finish my biology reading now.  
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
